I just wanted to share a few thoughts about an issue I’ve been dealing with lately.
So, it has always been my ambition to be a stay-at-home mom. (I know, can that really be an ambition? All I know is, it certainly won’t happen if you don’t strive for it.) Throughout my entire life my own mom has been a walking and talking example of the power of the mother in the home, and I, being her eldest child, got a front-row view of all the ups and downs that came with it. The steep finances to the extra comfort at home. Her hard work within those walls made our house a magical place and it became my dream to someday work the same wonders for my own family.
I will forever be grateful beyond words to my husband who day after day makes that dream a reality for me. (I love you, honey!)
That’s my introduction. I had a dream – I got what I wanted. The end.
Not quite… cause sometimes dreams don’t exactly turn out to be what we imagined. Because no matter what, in this mortal world, dreams have to fit into an everyday life, and whether we like it or not that’s probably going to have a few shady and slightly less wonderful aspects to it. Well, at least until you learn to smooth them out.
The thing that has cast a dark shadow on my dream profession lately is the feeling of guilt. I have been struggling with feeling guilty about not doing enough.
Especially after Sophia has gotten a bit bigger and doesn’t need as much support 24/7, I have felt pressured to fill the extra time with ways of improving my skills as a mother. And once you start thinking about it there are probably about a million different ways to go about that. Especially with the many colorful examples of mothers on social media that are thrown in your face every time you refresh your feed.
You could get a part-time job, you could get a creative hobby that would magically turn into an extra income on the side, you should take your toddler out to explore the world every day, you should stay in touch with all your friends, you should at least be able to keep your home spotless, your daughter doesn’t know all the colors yet? you should be making flash-cards, and why haven’t you decorated your living room yet?
We live in a time and age when sometimes stay-at-home motherhood is considered more of a luxury than a sensible occupation. Others may vocally admire and commend you for your valiant efforts but inwardly think it foolish to choose a life provided by only one income. Although we all strive to appear to have peaceful and harmonious lives it is the norm to be busy bees all day and all week.
But I think being a mother is enough. If I didn’t I would probably be spending my days behind a desk somewhere. But in the middle of all of these thoughts going through my head I forget. And it happens much more often than I care to admit. Why shouldn’t it be enough to put all your efforts into raising your kids? Being there for them when they need you, teaching them how to behave around others and make friends, how to find confidence and strength in themselves. If you don’t, someone else will – and they may not do it the way you’d prefer.
I don’t think there is any reason to constantly be busy. I do think you should try to always keep yourself occupied with improving your own and others’ lives but that doesn’t mean you have to feel stressed. Competence isn’t measured by how full your planner is or how few hours of sleep you get. I need to remember to be grateful for that.
Ouch that was a long rant!