Motherhood

I really love walks – challenging to be a mom

photo (57) (1)Life has been pretty crazy for a few weeks. New things and still new routines every single day and a baby that keeps surprising us with showing new sides of her developing body and personality.

But today I got to slow down time a little. Just enough to be able to hear my own thoughts again and for just long enough to catch my breath and recharge.

Baby Girl and I went for a walk. A good long walk, because I’m back to exercising. At least as much as my body permits right now. In other words, the 5.5km walk today was pushing it, but it felt good. I figured I’d take Baby with me, to give Dad some alone time and also because I’ve noticed Baby strongly prefers the stroller over the car seat.

I really love walks. Especially the longer ones. Even if you don’t have anything major to think about it still does the trick. It feels like quality time with yourself – like old friends getting the chance to catch up. And I really needed to catch up.

It gave me the time to really zoom out and reflect on my life. It’s changed a bit since I really looked at it last. I’m a mom. I survived labor and I have a little person who entirely depends on me to stay alive and to stay happy. That’s huge. That changes you. And you realize that all of the sudden the future became the present. All those things I’ve been thinking about, hoping for and planning are now accurate. And yet I still didn’t get very much older. I feel like I was juggling and someone just tossed me another three balls. And someway somehow I’m still juggling. So now what?

Well, I realized that, well, this is life. A long line of challenges that keep getting tossed in our direction. And our goal is to manage to keep juggling. My little baby daughter just came into this world. She thinks the hardest things in life are feeling hungry, feeling tired and feeling physically alone. To me, those things are not much to cry about. I’ve found out how to get food when I’m hungry and how to go to sleep when I’m tired and I’ve found out that I’m not alone just because I can’t see, hear or feel my mom. In my life, the hardest parts are having a tiny time consuming baby and keeping my home clean and getting anything done at the same time. To my mom, that’s peanuts. She has even learned how to have a tiny time consuming baby at the same time as having four other kids, putting dinner on the table in a squeaky clean home. And so on and so forth. Until you’re a pro at juggling! I guess?

If that will ever happen. Is there such a thing as a pro juggler? or are we stuck on an endless path of jumping through taller and taller hoops? And is that necessarily a bad thing? I think I know the answer.

There’s not much to do about it… but what I guess I can do is try to have that eternal perspective on my challenges. And by that I mean realizing that it could be a lot worse and that some day I’ll be able to overcome this and many bigger challenges.

And those were thoughts I just really needed to have go through my head to allow myself to get a little ahead.

I really love walks.

photo (55) (1) We’re already embarrassing her by dressing her in this way too big suit. … But she looks so cute!!

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photo (54) (1)We’re trying to teach her to smile more on pictures.

 

My husband is not my knight in shining armor – something I need to teach my daughter

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When you grow up and start looking for a husband you will be overwhelmed at how many guys there are in this world, and you may have to look for a long time before you find one. But none of this matters, because one day you will meet this young man who will sweep you off your feet as romantic music seems to play in the background. You will have the craziest butterflies in your stomach and the thought of him alone will make you feel like you’re soaring on a pink cloud of happiness. Likewise, he will be so taken with your beauty and will express this with tokens of everlasting love. He will be handsome beyond belief and he will be as if perfectly made for you. There will be no mistaking that you are meant to be.

Not!

I’m sorry girls, but that is just not how it is in the real world. It may seem that way when a happy couple tells ”their story” and it may even seem like that to you looking back after years of marriage, but it is usually not the case and is certainly not something to wait around for expectantly. The process of courtship involves hard work, sacrifice and definitely stepping out of ones comfort zone and takes a lot more than romantic coincidence. In the prospect of soon having to raise a daughter of my own I have picked out a few points that I want to make sure to teach her before she fluffs her pink pillows, takes out her notebook and leans back to watch the parade of eligible young men pass her by.

1. The Universe will not tell you who to marry
I remember the many afternoons I spent as a young girl daydreaming of my one true love that someday I would go and spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t till after I got engaged to Marcus that I really understood that had I spent more time sniffing around I probably would have met many guys that, if diligently pursued, I could have ended up with. I realized just how much power there was in my decision to give my all to my relationship with Marcus and how much it was my choices that made us end up together. 
We may want to wait for that perfect scene where that song is playing and he says that line and you feel that way, but chances are you’re gonna wait for a very long time. 

2. Love is earned, it’s not for free
There is a big difference in having a crush, falling in love and finally loving someone. The sort of feelings I described in the scenario at the beginning of this post is what I would call a crush. It has no root and is based on first impressions, lines and outward appearance. And yes, a charming face can get you far, but probably not to the commitment of marriage. Looking back, I realize that I really had to allow myself to have deeper feelings for Marcus. I needed to not be afraid of commitment and I needed to be ready for the many changes in my life that might come with said commitment. Also, I needed to not allow myself to be distracted by or overly picky with his bad habits, weird ways or other small things that might not match the perfect Prince Charming picture in my mind. 
I am not personally a strong believer in love at first sight, but I do know people who are and who have great loving and strong relationships. However, love at first sight is nothing to expect and not something to turn down a guy in the absence of. IMG_2943

3. There’s a reason it’s called ”finding” a husband and not ”noticing” a husband
When Marcus and I first started dating neither of us were completely confident that it would work out between us – if anything I think I was more skeptical than he was. But I had beforehand noticed some of his qualities and goals in life… and the way he spoke about his future family caught my attention and I knew that it might be a while before I found another guy like this. So I decided to pursue this relationship 100%, give it all I had until I would be able to distinguish whether or not to potentially turn it into a marriage.
What I’m saying is that choosing a husband is not just choosing a boyfriend. You need more to go by than a crush and a blush. It’s really about stepping out of your comfort zone and working your way towards the goal. 

4. It takes hard work and time to become perfect for each other
Like I said, I was not exactly swept off my feet when I started dating my husband. One of my top priority criteria for my future husband was that he could make me laugh my head off. To my great worry and disappointment, during our first months of dating, I felt like Marcus and I had such different senses of humor – because we didn’t know each other that well yet! I wish I could go back in time and grab my past self’s shoulders and tell myself to get a grip and that marriage would bring some of my best laugh attacks and most hilarious inside jokes. 
No two people mysteriously walk up to each other and instantaneously understand each other’s deepest concerns, thoughts, wishes and humor. Two best friends only become best friends after spending much time and tribulation together. Soulmates are no different. 

Having said that, all morning I have received cute pink’ish messages from my husband saying things like “I just can’t wait to come home to you” and “You really are my best friend”. Marriage is awesome, but don’t expect that you can have feelings from day one that belong in a marriage or long relationship and that couples have spent months and years achieving.

My husband is not my knight in shining armor, but he has become my soulmate.

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Tribute to my Mother

Oh there’s One who smiles on high

When there’s love at home

There is a difference between silence and quiet. Silence is stillness without harmony. When everything suddenly seems empty and dead. On the contrary quiet is the hush of peace and happiness. The key to relaxation, the song of serenity. The calm of the wind caressing the trees, the still that allows inspiration to nourish fantasies. The hush in a still December night as the deep blue sky slowly transforms day into twilight as dimmed lights emerge from toasty living rooms where love lives in every corner.  The peace in an exhausted woman’s steady breathing as she naps on the couch. Wrapped up in a blanket she enters into a well deserved rest of gratitude as she escapes from the clutter of the worries and problems of the day. She dreams sweet dreams of sharing her tremendous love with her children as they learn of the importance of patience and righteousness. The beauty of her everlasting service and affection decorates her every feature. She is the beating heart of the family and the one who brings life and light to the rooms of her home, the one person the whole family is centered around. She bears a burden that is heavier than that of any other member of the family. A burden of given and received love. A greater love than can be expressed in words or even expressed in actions. She is a Mother.

There is beauty all around,

When there’s love at home! 

 

I wrote this on a quiet December afternoon many years ago. I had come home from school to find my exhausted mother curled up and fast asleep on the couch after having cleaned the house. This beautiful scene depicting, in many ways, true motherhood inspired me to sit down and write this little piece of thought.

I don’t know any other woman in the world who better lives up to the title of Mother than my mother does. She masters it all, from being crafty, creative, a great cook, loving to clean, loving to serve, loving her kids, loving her husband, being the steady center that the family revolves around. I feel so blessed not only to have had her as an example all my life, but also that now I am about to be a mother myself and can therefore better appreciate and understand her excellence.

I have so much more to learn from her. She is my hero.

I love you mom!

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