31 weeks pregnant

o-maticTime is almost up.

Well.. not quite but I really feel almost done. I keep dreaming about going into labor and the baby feels as real as ever. In my head she could be coming in just a few weeks.

Intuition? I hope not, cause I’ve planned a three week vacation in Stockholm.

I’ve had a few really busy weeks with not much time reserved for blogging, but by next week I should be back on track.

Lately anything tires me out – even sitting up – and I have to go lie down somewhere for a bit.  Also, I have officially started waddling. I constantly feel off balance and though I try hard not to, I find myself leaning backwards to even out the weight on my front side. I feel pretty big and clumsy but I try to imagine that I just look cute. … Right?

I’ve always romanticized pregnancy growing up and have always found it hard to believe when women reached that point when they “just want the baby out!”. Like, why end the idyllic experience of being beautifully pregnant early? But I have to admit that I’m starting to get there. I’m getting more and more excited about starting to exercise and to get back into shape. Oh just being able to run around and be active without feeling like I’m about to pass out. Being able to move however I want whenever I want. And when my body is back to normal, being just mine. When I can trust it to act the way it usually does and when I can take a real proper deep breath and when i can go to bed not having to worry about falling asleep fast enough so I won’t get hungry again. I can also imagine how it might feel a little lonely when there isn’t someone to nudge you whenever you move or someone always around to listen to your voice.

But wearing the baby on the outside instead of the inside sure sounds appealing. I just can’t wait!

The most frequent question I get asked these days is “How do you feel about giving birth?” or “Are you nervous about labor?” closely followed by a long speech about how there’s no need to worry and that it’s just a wonderful experience.

But people, in all honesty, I am not nervous at all. On the contrary I am out of my mind excited to get on with it! For one thing I see no reason to waste my energy being worried about something that women have been going through forever. Even if something goes wrong I’ll worry about that when I know about it. On the other hand, I can’t describe in words how excited I am to meet my baby. I definitely have times when I wonder if I’ll look back in longing on the time that it was just me and Marcus with no one to take care of. But I also feel like it’s so right for us. That as soon as she’s in my arms I will want nothing but to love and take care of her.

And I can’t really imagine a better feeling than that.